Couch Potato

You can’t sneak anything past Ed the Ed. His eyes are ubiquitous. Mine are blue.
In an increasingly desperate attempt to re-connect with the world of running I, for the first time, entered the Radcliffe 12 mile Trail Race. My befuddled brain couldn’t remember whether it was a 12K or a 12M and there’s an "L" of a difference.

The course is a mischievous one, in that the first 7 or 8 miles are flattish and you can trundle around it quite amiably. Then in the last few miles you hit a series of short steepish climbs. Now this would be no problem to you Saturday morning hill-climbers, but to me, old, knackered and a couch potato of some sitting, whose legs show no inclination to become upwardly-mobile, unless it is to climb the stairs for bed, it was most distressing.

I set off at a blistering pace and was soon at the back of the field. This was unfortunate, as at that stage of the race I should have been on a countryside track. Being my first attempt at this race I was a bit concerned that I might get lost, but the snail I was running alongside said that if I could just keep up with him I’d be okay, as he knew the way. This, in my present condition was easier said than done. Anyway I completed the race in the stunningly slow time of 1hr 52mins 01secs. (not even 9 minute-mileing), and in doing so suffered the ignominy of coming last of the five M65 runners. I consoled myself in that, I was not last in the race, that had I been 25 seconds quicker I’d have been 3rd M65, and that these days I adopt Ed’s policy of treating these races as a training run, and had therefore been out the previous day and done about 10k. Any excuse will do. I was even beaten by an M75 who did 1hr 50min 30secs! Despite all of this I came in as 1st CP (? EtU). I didn’t get anything for this but Christina received a Potato peeler. She says they’re quite good for taking eyes out. It’s the first time in my life I’ve been glad I wear spectacles. Someone once asked me if they were bi-focals. I said, "No! They’re by Specsavers". They didn’t think it was funny either.

In contrast to my efforts, the real Horwich runners, Paul Muller, Rob Jackson and Steve Nolan represented the club very well and collected prizes.

Mentioning Ed in a previous paragraph reminds me that in NLN’s report on the Anglezarke Amble, she refers to him as though he were a glass of Andrew’s Liver Salts. He does well to stomach these remarks and has cause for serious gripe. I note that YJ was his usual gentlemanly self in returning a similar time to the ladies. I have to tell you that’s he’s usually half-an-hour or more quicker than that. But knowing him, he probably did a Marathon on the previous day and then used the Winter Hill as his recovery run. As for JtE’s "Never again", it is the cry of disillusionment. When in the Anglezarke area, he is in the habit of the partaking of lunch at the Yew Tree. It must have been very disheartening for him when he realized that this was not a part of the Amble. If the organizers could be persuaded in future, to include an hours stop-off at the Yew Tree his participation in the event is guaranteed. It is most probable that he’ll be first in there, but not first out.

Anyway congratulations to everyone who completed the Amble and/or the Winter Hill. Meantime I continue to be a doddering, dilapidated, decrepit, desperate dude. I’ve got my cardigan and slippers. Now where did I put that blanket?

Matt

Remind me not to rattle his cage again.

EtU